I am a morbidly obese, single woman, childless, 60 years old, with mobility issues. It’s hard for me to do a lot of things physically, so my condo is not always spotless. But, it could be a lot worse. I could have issues with clutter and a lot of disarray in my house, but I have motivation to avoid that at all costs.

You see, growing up, I had an old, morbidly obese, single, childless, female relative with mobility issues on each side of my family. They were both—let me say it gently—collectors. Their apartments were full of stuff and not in the greatest shape. When people had to dispose of their things after they died, it was a big job.

So, I am motivated to keep at least some semblance of order in my house. I don’t want to be like them, and I believe I have that predisposition. They were different from me in that they (I believe) didn’t have the support system I have or close relationships with friends and family.

Still, I am hyper-aware of clutter in my house and I have a person who comes to clean once a month. Day to day, it can get a little disorderly, but never so much that I can’t get it together if someone is coming over. In fact, I’ve said, kind of jokingly, that I invite people over on purpose because I know that I have to have my house clean if people are coming over.

My relatives are not the only people I know who are very overweight and have clutter issues. Dare I even say hoarding tendencies? But here’s the interesting thing: the fact that these women were hoarders serves as motivation. They are a cautionary tale.

Why am I not inspired by their weight? By their inability to get around?

Yeah, I have no answer. And I don’t know what the connection between overeating and hoarding is. But maybe it’s this: I used to attend Overeaters Anonymous. At the start of every meeting, we would go around the circle and introduce ourselves.

“I’m X, and I’m a compulsive overeater.”

“I’m Y, and I’m addicted to sugar.”

And one person would say, “I’m Z, and I’m addicted to ‘more.'”

Maybe that’s the thing. Maybe we’re addicted to more. More food, more stuff in our house.

I don’t know. I do know that when my house is in better order, I’m likely to eat better. And theoretically, someday, when I’m in better shape, I will be able to keep my house cleaner.

While I know that many people need “more” because they grapple with issues of scarcity, that is not the case for me. While we were far from rich, we always had enough.

I have no idea what the purpose of this blog is. I have no answers. No action items. Just a lot of stuff rolling around in my head. And now, maybe it’s rolling around in your head too.